Meh. Just…meh.
Dear Intrawebs:
I fucking hate you.
Yes you, social media.
Not only do I learn that some people I like are Republicans (ugh), but I get to see how fast some of you are running now. How wonderful your training is going. How ZOMGZ AWESOME YOUR ZOMGZ BOYFRIEND is. How your fucking dog shit all over outside and it was SO CUTE. How your goddamn baby shit all over it and it was SO CUTE.
Guess what?
I’m kind of over this shit.
If we disagree on politics, fine. I just don’t want to discuss it. But I can’t fucking avoid it if you’re posting about how you want to suck Mick Romney’s dick while fingering Paul Ryan’s asshole.
Likewise, I don’t care about your baby.
Or your dog.
Or your fiance.
Or your boyfriend.
So stop it with the fucking pictures.
Oh: I don’t care about your PR. Or how fast you are right now. Or how impressed you are with yourself and your fucking 6 pack.
(So stop it with THOSE pictures too.)
While my disdain of this shit is nothing new, I find everything particularly painful now because after months of slow, slow, slow build up I’ve had a few occasions were I kind of sort of felt like a runner again…as opposed to, you know, a sumo wrestler. Or water buffalo.
But it’s fleeting. And it’s a struggle. I’m working more hours a week than miles ran. And it sucks. I know, wah wah wah get over it. I GET IT.
To that end, your enthusiasm for this shit disgusts me. To me, running is like taking a massive shit. I don’t enjoy it, but if I DON’T do it? Bad things happen.
I run because I have to. If I don’t, I’ll weigh 4385943809584 pounds and look like the mom from Honey Boo Boo.
But you people? You love this shit. You soak it up. You talk about how RUNDERFUL shit is. You have fun. YOU ENJOY THIS SHIT. You do your long runs before the last minute and are at brunch by the time I am trudging my fat, pathetic, middle aged ass through whatever street I can bring myself to run down.
After decades in this sport? Every step reminds me of failure. Every. fucking. step. I’m still running about the same times I’ve always run. Still not really trying to do anything to change that.
It makes me wonder: what the fuck IS the point?
At what time do you just stop shitting and strap on the old colostomy bag?
In other words: when is the aggravation just…not worth it? I mean…I’ve always been mediocre as all shit with no other athletic ability. Why is it just NOW getting to me?
I don’t know, but I blame social media and the constant reminder of how perfect and motivated all you fucking cunts are.
So…drop dead. K?
Kind Regards,
AR
My dog pooped on my fireplace tonight. I wish had gotten a shot of it for you.
INSTAGRAM IT NOW
If only you lived here, we could go do RUNCH together! Twinsies!
PS i would kill to be as mediocre as you supposedly are. Wah waaaaaaaah. The difference is I’m late to the sport, I suck and I’m a lazy asshole. You are good. Bye.
Maybe I won’t leave once I get there!!! Then we can be drunk and mock people.
Also, never underestimate the power of 20+ years of base training. The older I get the harder it is to come back, but at the same time…years and years of this shit helps.
YES PLEASE STAY HERE!!!!
Best. Post. Ever.
I guess I’m just glad you didn’t say you’re sick of seeing pictures of people’s cats. I’ll take that as a sign to continue posting every adorable photo of my cats that I possibly can…costumes and all!
lolz, your instagram feed is pretty much all cats at this point.
I’m generally MORE okay with cats than I am dogs because, simply put, CATS DON’T GET IN MY WAY ON THE SIDEWALK WHEN I AM TRYING TO RUN.
Haha, yeah I know I’m a crazy cat lady on Instagram…it’s my niche! I have all these cat followers now, so I can’t stop! It’s a crazy cycle!!! Ahhhhhhh
LOL on the water buffalo. Love how now “cunt” is genderless like “dude”.
BTW — I just posted a pic of my dogs (chihuahuas) both wearing BIKINIS to Facebook.
Oh…boy.
Most people only post good shit so social media is a very biased view of how people’s boyfriends/running/lives really are. It can get pretty annoying, I agree. Sometimes I participate too. Eh it’s all sketchiness.
Very true. I just don’t get the need some people have to make shit sound wonderful. It’s just my nature to do the exact opposite because expecting the worst makes reality never seem…quite as bad. You know?
Totally agree. Did you read the article in the NY Times article about Mary and the NYCM? The following quote shows a lot of the problem I think: “years ago, marathoners ran 90 miles a week, worked full time and tried to break three hours on courses that closed after four hours. Today, you run 20 miles a week, and people think they’ve changed their life.” Not that I am trying to break three but I am getting sick of all the people who have “changed their life.” It’s just way too over the top. Or maybe just a few years of running has already made me jaded.
YEP. You’ve hit the nail on the head.
RE positivity. I’m with you on the negativity but primarily because being positive isn’t funny but making fun of stuff is.
It’s that time of year. Haven’t you ever not run a fall marathon before? Everyone and their mother is remembering what it feels like to keep a training schedule and do long runs on the regular. It’s the new runners that annoy me the most – the “NO ONE HAS EVER RUN 20 MILES BEFORE OMG I AM THE BEST IN THE WORLLLLLLLD” ones. I think they actually annoy me more than the ones who nail all their hard workouts.
Yeah, I’m with you. Ugh. My brain hurts.
I’m currently on team STFU about running. No one to blame but me since I choose to read running blogs. The thing that is NOT my fault, is having to read about all the babies and gym visits and boyfriend love on facebook. It must have been so awesome to be an adult in 1970 and not know what the spawn of your high school classmates looked like. (or that they are voting for Paul Ryan because he is P90X hot. Seriously, I read that fb post).
p.s. the people who only post their good side on social media are crying on the inside. And there is a perfect ratio to how much one publicly spews love for their boyfriend, and how many problems they have. I checked the science.
p.p.s. sorry for the compliment, but you’re still the coolest/hottest/raddest runner. 20 years strong! Still hope I see you at CIM
Ha! Only to AR would you have to apologize for paying a compliment.
Can we be Mama June and Honey Boo Boo together for Halloween?! <3 <3 <3
OMG YES PLZ
The only reason I don’t bitch and complain more than I already do is because I get sick of the “ur the only 1 w/ teh power 2 change ur life!!! <3 <3" bullshit commentary.
90% of my problems are financially related. I'm broke as fuck and sometimes you CAN be too broke to actively do anything about how broke you are. People seem to forget that.
/unrelatedrant
f.y.i. I read most of this post out loud to my buddies sitting at the table eating dinner.
Have you considered smoking more marijuana? It will make you love puppies. And cake.
I smoke puppies and it makes me love weed.