From the archives…
A lot of you are newbie runners.
Wait a few years.
All those ZOMGS SPARKLE SKIRTS and other things you wear? They’re gonna look funny in a few years. Like any other trend.
When you can add teenage awkwardness on top of this shit, its even funnier. (And probably kind of sad considering I’m, well, ugly.)
Anyhow…take a look:
May 1994. I’m a freshman. So fucking hot. Glasses! Split shorts with white briefs inside! Basketball jersey as singlet tucked in! A scrunchy!
This was a 1500 meter race. If I remember correctly, I was in the second of three heats (top 6 seeds had their own heat) and was outleaned for the win. I ran maybe…5:13? I ended up 7th overall so I didn’t place and I was pissed because had I not been outleaned, I would have gotten a ribbon.
But bitches, I bounced back and got a ribbon in the 3000 later that day. 11:20 maybe?
Here I am getting my award!
I’d like you to take note of my outfit. I still have that t-shirt! And it’s still way too big, even though I am much fatter now. Also, note the boxer shorts. This is what us kids wore back in the early 90s. CRAZY.
Lets fast forward a few months.
They gave us lighter singlets (At my urging. We paid for them!), but the men’s splits shorts are still there. I don’t know what the hell is up with my hair. Still don’t have contacts. I was actually in really good shape at this point, but as you can notice…I’m not exactly tiny. This is also right about the time my coaches started saying “Hey, did you notice you’re heavier than all the other girls? Maybe you should think about that.” But that’s an issue for another day.
May 95. Whatever weird ass shit was going on with my hair in the LAST picture had grown out, but if I recall it was layered somehow so I couldn’t really get it back into a pony tail. Hence, ELAINE HAIR. It’s hard to see, but the front part is poofed up and the rest is just…there. No ponytail. I got sick of this and started improvising with more rubber bands but for this race..there it is.
This was another 1500, if memory serves me. (I either ran a 5:13 or a 5:09.) You’ll see that the basketball jersey is back. There were 60 girls on our track team (as opposed to the dozen on XC) so we had to go with what the school gave us. Those shorts are from the 80s though. They were less poofy than the ones I had on in the last three pictures. They were also less poofy than my hair.
Also, I finally got contacts.
Still ugly as fuck.
17 years later, that ugly part still holds. Except I’m now ugly and approaching middle age.
But you see, this shit is why I don’t really care what I wear when I run. Years later, it’s gonna look stupid. We knew our track uniforms were ugly back in the day. The difference is its now ugly AND dated.
And this, newbies, is what you can look forward to.
If you have old pictures? POST THEM. PLEASE.
Also, if you’re gonna be a creeper and comment on my looks? Don’t fucking email me directly, post it here so others can see what a creeper you are. Also, recall I’m 14-15 years old in these pictures, so if you feel the need to comment on it you’ve got issues.