I came. I saw. I didn’t puke.
@schills made this.
Oh, so you apparently wanted my thoughts on the Boston death march? Fine.
1. I don’t know why I bothered to show up. Once the forecast models locked in on a day that would be hot as balls, I seriously considered bagging the whole thing. I didn’t want to run and there is nothing to gain from running a slow ass marathon in miserable heat. But I showed up. Unfortunately, I still can’t tell you why.
2. People are whiny, entitled cunts. As soon as the BAA made it clear they’d allow deferrals…people started whining. As the warnings became more serious…people started whining more. And for the love of Vodka it was fucking obnoxious. And just flat out alarmist. At one point I looked at my twitter feed and saw people throwing around numbers like “WTF BAA 7000 PEOPLE DEFERRING THAT MEANS YOU WILL ONLY HAVE 7000 SLOTS BECAUSE YOU HAVE CHARITY RUNNERS, U R A JOKE LOL OMG WTF BBQ.” (Mostly from people NOT racing…which I find…interesting.)
Fucking really? For one, when you have a race that starts late in the day…your concerns re: heat stroke grow. You can call people wimpy for caring. You can criticize an organization for taking “too many” precautions (U GUYS NOBODY DIED IN THE HOT MARATHON I RAN IN —– GET A LIFE), but you can’t simply ignore the fact that a volunteer medical staff only has so many resources to go around AND that local hospitals only have so much space to deal with people.
For another, I find it interesting that people feel the need to speak to this shit with no understanding of how the process works. If you’ve paid attention to registration the past 5 years you’d KNOW there are 20,000 slots plus 7000 for Charity. These exist largely because the race wouldn’t exist without them. These organizations are partners, and the towns that shut down their roads, etc get slots as a result of their cooperation. It’s just how the race works. Deal with it. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to run it and incessant whining about the issue does no good. There are plenty of other races to run.
And in the end, maybe 500 people deferred…a whole lot of whining over NOTHING. I may be a miserable bitch but man, you people are poor sports.
3. Yes, it was fucking miserable. It felt like running on a cookie sheet. In an oven. With no shade and relentless sun, any water you dumped on your head was gone pretty quickly. I had luck with ice in my sports bra taking awhile to melt but it also clicked. Like, a lot. Just think about this and you’ll get a pretty good idea.
4. Yes, it was kind of embarrassing… I was 17+ minutes off my best time, 13 minutes off my slowest time at Boston (nothing more depressing than seeing a time 2 minutes slower than your worst time on the course AT 40 FUCKING K), and a PW by 4 minutes. Swell.
5. …but frankly I’m in shitty shape. You know what? I didn’t feel like running a marathon. I didn’t have a great time in me. I shouldn’t have bothered to run. So at least the weather presented an excuse to high five lots of people (including pretty much everyone in the scream tunnel) and have random conversations with people. Like the guy who asked me if what happened in Wellesley stayed in Wellesley and disappeared after that.
6. Its easier to overhydrate than you think, even in these conditions. I ended up feeling pretty sick after the race…and you know why? I drank WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH. I had a lot of Gatorade early and my stomach was rebelling a bit by mile 10. I kept it to sips after that but still downed quite a bit of water. While it didn’t seem like overkill I should have kept in mind the fact that I wasn’t going very fast (I didn’t even bother to use gel) and just didn’t need that much fluid. I didn’t feel dehydrated at the finish (AND YOU SHOULD FEEL AT LEAST A LITTLE DEHYDRATED!)…just nauseated. And I was nauseated enough to dry heave a bit which almost landed me in the med tent…but I rallied. My experience as a drunk helps.
7. I have nothing else to add. Yeah. It was depressing. I hope I can manage to not humiliate myself in Hamilton in the fall. I’ve done very little since Boston, partially because of work drama…but mostly? I can’t make myself care after this. It was a depressing waste of effort…though I’m not sure that I quite regret it. I keep running Boston largely because it is a fun course that suits my personality and I can stay with people for free. It might not have been fun this year, but a streak is a streak and at least I’m not injured this year even if I am fatter than ever…right?
Right.
“People are whiny, entitled cunts” Yes. As a buddy of mine used to say “Fuck ‘em in the mouth with a fat baby’s dick!” Not sure where that phrase originated, but the guy, who I first heard use it is an ex-paratrooper turned kindergarden teacher. Which makes it my favorite phrase that I’m too scared to use. I now pass it to you AR. Enjoy. Boston, sounds like the hell that was Miami this year, but at least when you get those conditions in Miami, it is to be expected. Boston, not so much. Drunks on the course. Yes. Fry pan heat. No.
“my experience as a drunk helps” <– this made me laugh. I'm actually surprised there weren't more serious problems with people overhydrating (or at least none I've heard of) because the focus was SO MUCH on preventing dehydration. Anyways, you are still fast (to me) when you're slow (to you) – sad I missed you on the course! we would have given you some beer.
I agree with Kelly — you are still fast to me, too. Sorry it sucked… “depressing waste of effort,” ugh. Your next marathon will definitely be better. At least you can count on that! Finally, thank you for saying “nauseated” instead of “nauseous”… though I would expect nothing less from you!
I also appreciate the correct word choice! Hurry for respect of the English language!
I’ve read the articles and watched some of the times come through online. It looked horrific.
Sorry you weren’t feeling it. But I’m glad you didn’t decide not to run it. Because, if anything, you’ve got a story for in a few years. “Remember that one time the Boston Marathon happened during a heat wave? Yeah… I ran that motherfucker like a bad ass.”
Sounds like you had a blast!
I also enjoyed the “my experience as a drunk helps” line. I think that you need to rethink the negative on BM. You did it, it was crap, you knew it would be crap, but you still did it. I like the thoughts about thinking of the streak. The Hammer is a long fucking way away. Like you could lose 20lbs and gain days in speed by then. I’m sure you’ll still bitch your way through that race report as well, but I’ve read quite a bit of what you’ve written and something tells me that’s they way you like it.
When I run my first marathon in 9 days (with music and gels, maybe mascara, but absolutely NOT a running skirt), I’ll be thinking of you when I hit that “wall” and start to tell myself to fuck off and suck this bullshit attitude right up. Glad to have the recap and look forward to more posts from you.
I’m so proud of you for not dying! Also, kind of impressed that even though it was a PW, your splits were so goddamn even. I hate you, sort of.
That’s it!
I also wonder why people are whining about the deferrals. It’s like, OK … you would rather have people risk getting heat stroke and going to the hospital?
And I don’t understand the animosity toward charity runners. I have a few girlfriends who train with TNT, and it seems like so many people look down on them or blame them for taking spots or slowing down races. Whatever … I could never raise that kind of money, so I have nothing but admiration for those who can.
Anyway. I’ve been looking forward to your race report and actually clapped when I saw it on my Google Reader. I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy Boston, but you obviously ran a stellar race for the conditions. I hope you spoiled yourself rotten (read: booze) after the race.
Wait, all of that crap — your lack of fitness, the weather, THE DOOM SURROUNDING THE WEATHER, your not-exactly-totally-psyched-to-run mentality — and it was only a PW by 4 minutes? Damn. Fast people (and yes, to me, you are one) are a different breed.
Also, I mean, someone died in a race I ran in San Francisco that was 75 degrees. (Granted, 75 degrees and sunny in February in San Francisco on an exposed course, which what the actual fuck.) Heat is scary. Even if OMG SOMEONE TAKES “YOUR SPOT” for next year. I say this as someone who will never BQ, so whatevs, but from a distance it seemed ridiculous.
I don’t know anyone who deferred simply because of the heat, and I’m technically in the “deferral” category because I picked up my bib and didn’t run. But I already have a qualifying time for next year, and I plan on registering again. Sooo my spot doesn’t really count…haters.
It was smart on the part of the BAA…when Chicago has its disaster, the city didn’t have enough ambulances to cover everyone who needed to be taken to the hospital, so they had to call in the suburban guys. Plus, heat stroke/heat exhaustion/omg MARATHON is a problem no matter how good of shape you’re in. Even Mutai dropped out…
Good point about Mutai; BAA was wisely covering its butt – even the elites struggled.
Exactly!
Whatever I still think you’re a badass. And I still get excited when you pop up in my Reader.
I was pissed I had to work and couldn’t watch the runners or hang out after (not that you asked me to you bitch!), but it sounded like hell even from spectators. I think everyone that ran knew going into it that they weren’t going to have their best times so I wouldn’t get down on yourself about your time.
And yeah, I saw people on Twitter that weren’t even running in the marathon bitching about the deferrals. What the hell do they care?
I was completely oblivious and miserable this year. I most certainly would love to have many drinks again!
So many people, like myself, would love to just get there. It’s too bad you think it was such a waste of time.
That’s not what I said. My point is that running a race in miserable conditions simply to finish is sometimes not the wisest move, and frankly its pretty frustrating.
I liked that description of how the day went, because now I’m picturing everybody running across a life-sized baking sheet and weaving through enormous piles of cookie dough.
Also, I am now reading back through your post. I see where you said it felt like a waste of effort due to the heat, but I am having trouble finding the part where you said it was a waste of time. PLEASE ADVISE.
Funny how changing ONE word completely changes the meaning of a statement, eh? Fucking a…
Details, shmetails…
Yeah, it was hot. And slow. And people were walking at, like, mile three. I still had fun! Really, it’s just an amazingly fun race (my first Boston). I don’t think the course is as tough as people have said it is – perhaps this is because I was running it very slowly, but really, heart break hill? It’s not even steep. Someday I’ll fork out the money to run it again in better weather.
There was a real risk of over-hydration just trying to keep cool. I attempted to keep that in check by dumping water instead of drinking it, and I did ok. It was weird to me that I planned a slower race to protect myself from overheating and it didn’t matter – I still got hot as the surface of the sun. I burned even with sunblock. Weirdly, this was my 4th marathon this year in the ’80′s. Oh yeah, no PR’s in there. Ha.
I’m one of those dickheads who said, “My marathon was hot” .. when I said it I didn’t know that Boston started at 10 am, so, whatever, shit.
Either way, props to you for going through with it. You knew what you were getting into, the result wasn’t a shocking slap in the face.. maybe a kick in the ass for your fall race?
I dunno, running that pace in 80 degree weather doesn’t seem like a bad result to me, but that wasn’t your point, I know. And frankly, I’m kind of over the whole OMG BOSTON thing. I have read a couple of very moving descriptions of the race from people who tried really hard to get in and made it and yet weren’t entitled c*nts about it (“charity runners waaaahhh!” – bitches, one of my friends entered a few years back as a charity runner, raised over $3000 for the children’s hospital, AND FINISHED IN THE TOP 50. gtfoveryourselves.) but for the most part I either skim or don’t read boston-related posts anymore. Apart from yours, obvs.
I am clearly very behind on commenting, but I always love reading your race reports – even if they are written weeks later.
First of all, I give anyone who raced on Monday a lot of credit. The conditions were absolutely brutal, which made all the complaining about the deferrals that much more obnoxious. When did runners become such an entitled group of people? Sorry, but no one “owes” you a spot at Boston. You need to earn it – even if that means a bunch of deferral entries makes it so that you have to run faster (which is not the reality since there aren’t all that many people actually eligible).
Anyway, I know you aren’t happy with your time, but I think that considering the conditions and the shape you say you’re in, you actually put forth an amazing effort. From an outside perspective, I think you’re selling yourself a little short (I say this knowing that I’m a complete hypocrite because I hate the feeling of doing a race “just to finish” and always want to run faster…but whatever…). The important thing is that you came, you held it together, finished AND kept your streak going.
Meanwhile I am keeping my streak of not running Boston alive. 3 out of 3 years that I’ve tried have been unsuccessful. Not sure when I’ll learn that maybe it’s just not my race.
“There are plenty of other races to run.”
Yes indeed. But try telling that to a bunch of people you refer to as entitled and whiny. You’d have a less daunting task in trying to convince a bunch of fundamentalist Christians that wiping your ass with the pages of the Bible in a pinch really isn’t *that* out of bounds.
The more people this race allows in — and I can’t blame the BAA for wanting to maximize its profits, as the organization has done a super job with the vicissitudes of this race in almost every respect in my opinion — the more it comes to resemble every other mass plod-athon overrun by amorphously shaped and cognitively shaky folks who do little besides trumpet the reasons they think the race should be all about THEM. Too bad the mass marathons don’t have the resources to do away with the reality that possession of a non-maxed credit card is the easiest way to “qualify” for a megathon these days.
It was really warm out there. I was sweating like crazy, and I wasn’t even running. So, even if it was a slow time, kudos for gutting it out and keeping the streak alive.
Yeah, streaks can be a pain, but maybe it was the motivation that you needed to get out of the slump? I hate to think that a marathon is ever just a wasted effort. I’m not that cynical.
I feel like I’ve seen this page before on , but upon taking some time on here it’s clear that this is a new web page.
Still, I’m going to bookmark this blog and start following it frequently.