You Either Ran Today…
Or You Didn’t.
It’s that fucking simple.
Nobody cares what the weather is. Or what your ass hurts. Or that you really wanted to go to happy hour. Or that your boss looked at you funny. Or that your OMG BOYFRIEND isn’t there to rub your shoulders. Or that your vegan, gluten-free, sugar free, 100% organic, GMO-free cupcake might have been baked in a facility within a square mile from where a dog pissed. (Nobody on Yelp cares about it either, just for the record.)
The thing is, at the end of the day you can either say you went for a run that day…or you didn’t run.
Yep.
Details aren’t important. Nobody cares that you ran 110 miles last week. Nobody cares that you ran every single mile OMG SO FAST. Nobody cares that you ought to be doing a bit more speed work. Nobody cares about whatever positive bullshit you have to spin to get yourself out there. Nobody about your race weight. Nobody cares that you totally DIDN’T EAT THAT vegan, gluten-free, sugar free, 100% organic, GMO-free cupcake that MIGHT have been baked near where that dog pissed!
You either went for a run…or you didn’t.
Simple, isn’t it?
Your day was busy? You couldn’t make it out there? Okay…that can happen. But it doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t run.
You REALLY need to watch whatever stupid reality show now so you can let your boyfriend watch his OMG SPORT SHOW and he can cum on your tits later so you can’t run? Okay, whatever gets you off…but you still didn’t run.
You made a choice not to run. Enter mental picture of Charlotte from Sex and the City (SHUT UP) all flustered screaming “I CHOOSE MY CHOICE!!!”
(I hate myself for that reference. I really do.)
Sure, sometimes you don’t *choose* not to run. Maybe you’ve got the flu. Or a stress fracture. This does not apply to that. This applies to those days you’re miserable, under fueled and generally not in the mood.
Either you ran…or you didn’t.
Got it?
Good.
This is been the mantra I’ve repeating to myself for weeks now. I don’t know where it came from. I didn’t create it. But it’s the closest thing I’ve got to motivation at this point.
I? Simply do not care.
If I could defer from Boston, I’d have done it already. Mild winter be damned, I don’t want to run right now. I want to sit on my ass and eat fried pickles and drink beer. I don’t care. I just don’t fucking care. Every run is a struggle. I sometimes stop at quarter mile intervals and debate just laying on the ground. It sometimes takes me hours to force myself out the door. I rarely run fast or with any purpose. I just force myself to run. I run past people the the reservoir pounding out repeats. I run behind people in races I used to beat easily. I run past groups of people enjoying the experience and chatting together while I bargain with myself just to get out the fucking door.
But at the end of the day…I’d rather say I ran than I didn’t. Because what IS my excuse? Lack of willpower? Is that good enough, really?
It’s not.
I’ve forced myself to run a number of races. They’ve all been personal worsts for this incarnation of my two decades long career. Not helped by the fact that I’ve run through freak storms resulting in this sort of shit:
Yeah.
Miserable. Slow.
But I guess at the end of the day…I can say I ran. And while it’s a stretch to say that’s any sort of accomplishment (it’s not) – at least it’s better than just throwing in the towel entirely.
After all, I’m in shitty shape because of choices I made.
I CHOSE to drink and get fat. I CHOSE to be lazy. I CHOSE to get all whiny and pathetic and not do a damn thing to shake off what should have been a minor injury. I CHOSE to eat like shit and damn nutrition, which has probably resulted in depleted iron stores. I consistently CHOOSE not to improve on any of these habits.
And I CHOOSE to press ahead towards disaster and do nothing to prevent it.
And you know what?
Fuck it. I’m a hobby jogger. It doesn’t matter. I can CHOOSE to not lose the money I’ve sunk into my Boston entry and run anyway. I can CHOOSE to ignore the fact that I will run like shit. I can CHOOSE to fight the competitive urge which reminds me this attitude is stupid and that forging ahead when this disengaged is a recipe for mediocrity.
But at the end of the day, I choose to say FUCK IT. I’ll run like shit, be fat and eat fried pickles.
And it doesn’t fucking matter.
Yes. I choose to run. Because if I don’t…well…it’s that simple, isn’t it?
God, I love fried pickles. With the ranch dip? So good.
I generally eat them dry. I AM AFRAID OF CREAMY WHITE SUBSTANCES. (lolz.)
I needed this. I feel the same way lately. Blahhhhhh.
And with the mild winter it’s not like the SPRINGGGGGGG burst is all that helpful. Blah.
I, too, hate you for the awful Charlotte reference. It is, hands down, the worst thing ever said on that show. Ever. And it makes me cringe.
But I like the other things you wrote, and I like that you own up to the fact that you’ve made choices and sometimes they have consequences. You don’t whine and complain and sugarcoat everything, and as I reader, I appreciate it.
Sorry that running is sucking for you these days and you’re not feeling the love for Boston. It happens. It passes. And if it doesn’t pass, you can pick up another hobby, like scrapbooking.
BUT I ALREADY SCRAPBOOK. PICTURES OF THE BODIES OF MANY DEAD HOBOS. kidding. I swear. ::looks both ways::
Charlotte makes me cringe in general, but after reading how many times I wrote CHOSE and CHOICE I heard her voice in my head. And I HATE IT.
Perhaps that’s motivation to do something different, eh?
This is exactly what I need to read. I have to get in some base miles for marathon training, and I’m just NOT feeling this shit. I go out ready to run and come back after a mile. I actually hate running right now. (Possibly because I’m so out of shape.)
Yep, yep, yep and yep. It’s the worst. And motivation sometimes just doesn’t bounce back. I’d say slogging builds character, but I’m not sure if that’s the case.
I’m just happy to see a blog post from you, so keep feeling like shit if that gives you something to write about. mmmmm fried pickles.
At the end of the day the only person who cares about what one does is oneself. If you are satisfied with your decisions, that is all that matters.
Most folks aren’t able to face themselves like you have and admit the truth. YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Actually, it appears you can…
Sometimes we need to take a slight break from the things we love so we don’t end up hating them.
I’ve been feeling the same way about running lately, so I’ve completely ignored the road and have been hitting the trails (dirt ones). Not worrying about time or speed and just going for distance and to take in the view. It’s very different and very calming. I’ve not entered in any races this year and I think I’m going to enter only ones that seem like fun. Maybe a mud thing or a late-at-night one where I can wear a petzl on my head.
Competition tires me now and it was no longer fun or enjoyable.
Now, I run for me. Not against myself — for myself.
I hate everyone in the northeast and their damn mild winters!!!
Swear to god, this morning as I bitterly jog-trudged through an all too familiar scene — the most recent 13 inches of snow that fell here over the past two days — I vowed to punch the throat of the next northeasterner who mentions how mild the winter has been. I’ll give you a pass because the rest of this post was take-no-prisoners enough to balance it out.
We are five feet over our average winter snowfall already, and March is allegedly often the snowiest month. Suffice it to say, every time I read a blog post from the NY/Jerz/tri-state/Boston/Mass running crowd along the lines of, “wee, it’s february but it was 52 degrees and I ran outside in shorts!” I want to go indiscriminately maim something.
So thank you for the picture of racing in the snow. It is comforting to think that someone, somewhere, also had to run through snow this winter.
Still, it doesn’t stop me from wishing the northeast would get pummeled with a few feet of snow so that everyone can shut up about how nice the weather is. As an upstater, I know you’d be able to handle it anyway.
We got fucked last year, so it balances out. And we’ll probably get hammered next winter. But I know what you’re saying. Last year when we were dealing with lake effect storms in MARCH I was on the verge of murdering someone every time I saw the “YAY SUCH PRETTY SUN TODAY” from anyplace not around this stupid lake. We still had a few good Lake Effect pummelings (that picture? when i warmed up for that race visibility was zero. I almost got hit by a plow that I couldn’t see…), generally on days I had reserved for a long run/had a race. I also spent a week in Germany for work where I trugged through freshly fallen snow, hung over at 5am barely able to comprehend the street signs. It’s been mild, but certainly not as mild as other places…and god, do i know how miserable it gets when the snow WON’T STOP though obviously I’ve never had the damn near 24 hours of darkness thing to deal with.
I really like this post. I need to come back here and read it when I’m feeling whiny and self-important.
I think we should find a place to meet up and eat fried pickles and drink beer after Boston. That sounds gooooood.
i did last year! in Quincy! it was delicious…
Can I come?
YES PLZ
You tell me the time and place and I’ll be there.
out of all the times you “chose not to run” over the past year, you “chose to run” on that day in that bitch of a snowstorm?
Yeah, i’d say your back on track.
“you’re” back on track. ugh
I’m sorry, what? I got distracted by the thought of fried pickles.
This was awesome.
Thank you.
Awesome post and so true… I love your blog
cheers
I have been thinking similar thoughts about people whining about not running or “having” to run, but because I can’t right now and I am jealous. I was even jealous of the dude who jogged past me last night while I was walking, with terrible form and improper footwear who looked like he was going to pass out. He was running and I was not. I’ve decided that when I can run again, I better have a damn good excuse as to why I can’t that day.
Not sure where I am going with this except that I am jealous of every runner out there right now.
I wish that there were a “like” button here so that I could express to you that I really liked and (needed) this post so that you could be encouraged to keep writing (because this post was just so goddamn perfect) but I have nothing else additional to say.
So so very true. Sometimes I need to check myself before bitching about how much slower I am this time around than a few years ago. It’s my own damn fault. Every time.
Are you going to throw your race number out there so I can track again? Please… there’s very little to entertain me at work…
Probably, though you can look me up by last name too if I forget.
Yeah, I totally didn’t. My nose, however, is doing more than enough running for both of us. OH HEY FLU EXEMPTION!
I’d tell you to just run Boston for funnies, but I know it doesn’t work like that. So just survive it and then invite me to these post-race shenanigans, yes? I’m still planning to be in town!
God, you read my mind in this post. I’m running a half next weekend and I’m going to run like absolute shit because I’ve chosen to sit on my ass and drink miller lites all winter. Wahhhhhhh. It’s ok though, because I can drink lottsa green beer afterward and that will me me happy again.
PS: “I choose my choice” (said in Charlotte’s voice) is now stuck in my head. Thanks a lot.
Fuck yeah, great post. So glad to have you back.
Crap. Makes me wish I’d gone running today.
My mind is blown. Wait, what are we talking about?
Not running does not = fat or lazy. That’s my only contribution here for the day.
Oh, AR, I am filled with a similar level of vitriol these days, but unfortunately I did NOT choose my choice (f*cking Charlotte.) F*cking PF is keeping me sidelined, while also keeping me FILLED WITH RAGE. Anyhow, I’ve gotten to a monumental level of anger and bitterness, and yours is the only running blog I can read now. So thank you for being bitter and pissy, and writing about it. For the record, and don’t hate me for saying this, I bet you still put in a decent showing in Boston.
ugh your stupid post was motivating.
WOW. this is exactly what I needed right now, I feel the same way and reading this makes me feel less like a piece of shit and more like a real runner!
Sweet, Thanks!
You had me at “tits”.
I was that kind of runner but then I realized, you know when you have a huge base missing a day or two isn’t gonna kill ya. In fact, it’ll just make you stronger. YMMV. Getting your run in every day doesn’t make you better, running consistently year after year does.
Kind of sad no one cares about my gluten free cupcake.
Anyways…
The thing is, once you get out there at Boston, you’ll figure “either I run this hard or I don’t”. And you’ll run it hard. I bet you’ll still put in a good showing.