“NAQs” + Hot Dog We Have A Weiner:
But none for Gretchen Weiners.
And not Anthony Weiner’s…Weiner.
Recently, Sarah featured some Never-Asked Questions. I like this idea, and I’m stealing it. With proper credit, of course. (I owe her money anyway* so any fees for lifting her Intellectual Property can be added to my tab.)
Questions Nobody Actually Asked Me, But May Have Been Implied or I Pulled Out of My Ass
Q: Do You Like Mayonnaise?
A: Get that nasty shit near me and I’ll kick you in the baby maker.
Q: Why aren’t you vegetarian?
A: Because like Ron Swanson, I like meat.
Moving on.
Q: Who is Ron Swanson?
Now go watch Parks and Recreation or we simply cannot be friends.
Q: Are you a dude? Your twitter icon is of Patrick Bateman.
A: No. I can have an icon of Patrick Bateman without being a dude.
Q: Do you kill people like Patrick Bateman?
A: We don’t know that Bateman killed anyone. But no, I’m not a misogynistic serial killer, thanks for asking.
Q: Should I do Yasso 800s?
A: Only if you’re aware they don’t actually predict your marathon time and that your LT sessions would be better spent doing 1000-3k repeats if you’re marathon training.
Q: Phil Collins or Peter Gabriel?
A: Depends on the context. But if you’re asking me about your sex mix, Peter Gabriel hands down.
Q: Why don’t you follow me on twitter?
A: Because I may not have noticed your request. You can tell me you requested to follow me and I’ll respond but I’m REALLY BAD at checking my requests. I swear, it’s just me being lazy!
Q: Why are you so negative, AR?
A: Funny, I don’t think I’m “negative”. You know what I am? Cynical and blunt. If you ask me how a race went and I’m not happy? I’ll tell you that. If you ask me about my job satisfaction? I’ll tell you exactly how I feel. If you give me a compliment? I may get uncomfortable and respond with self-deprecating humor. I think that’s the one that gets people. “How can you possibly be self-deprecating and not be fishing for compliments/just being yourself?”
For one, a lot of comedians have made careers out of this type of humor. Comedians without self loathing are no fun. (See also, Dane Cook.) I don’t care that I’m not a comedian, it’s my sense of humor. For another, why does a self-deprecating sense of humor mean a person is “negative?” I don’t think it does.
Of course, I’ve been arguing this for more than 20 years.
The bottom line is if you don’t like it? I don’t really give a fuck. I don’t pretend to be uplifting or inspirational. I’m THE ANGRY RUNNER. I write this shit with a certain angle in mind, so keep that in mind before you make snap judgments.
And further, if the way I talk about anything makes you feel bad about yourself? Well, then perhaps you need to reevaluate who is “negative.” My opinion of anything shouldn’t change your opinion of…well…anything.
(Except Glee. Glee sucks. And you should know that because I told you.)
Q: You know, I expected you to be angrier. You strike me more as a mildly annoyed runner. I think you’re faking this whole persona.
Fake this, asstwat. Don’t be so literal.
Q: Why did you start the image macro?
I believe in giving credit where credit is due, so this is how it started.
I was talking to Marie about image macros. Specifically, this meme. Someone – either her or Tracy said “someone should create one of these for blogs.”
So, that’s what happened. I took it upon myself to find an image. Then ideas flew around.
Thanks to them as well as Kelly and Ellen . (I know there were others in on the discussion, including Melissa and Jen. I may be forgetting someone.)
In sum, I was eating lunch and it was funny to create an image macro. You can read more about image macros here if you are unfamiliar with the concept.
The jist is to poke fun at stereotypes. You can see examples of these here , here , here and here.
If you want more resources, check out knowyourmeme.com. Or your local library. (Not really on that last part. Unless that is where you use the Internet. In which case, go right ahead.)
Q: Who Won?
A: You guys came up with some awesome ones. However, the grand prize?
Will go to Cindy.
Why?
Because that series could go up on knowyourmeme or a similar site right now and someone would get the concept. Just well executed.
Q: What did she win?
A: I don’t know yet. I still owe people shit from the last give away. (Congrats! Leave a comment and we’ll figure out what you won!)
Q: Do you make money from your blog?
A: I have never made money from this blog. I haven’t even gotten a free sample of anything. Nobody is banging down my door with anything, though I’ve met some really cool people so that’s pretty cool.
Q: Are you going to blog about running again soon?
A: Yes. I haven’t forgotten.
*Pesky crack habit.
So let me make sure I’ve got this right, you didn’t get any emails, from any readers, asking you any of these questions right? I really don’t understand the overflow of emails people say the get asking them questions. And mayo is delicious.
I made it all up. ALL OF IT.
NO MAYO EVER!!! (picture me screaming it like this, k? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOILKHmZBwc)
I just ate enough mayo for the both of us <3 <3 <3 YUMMMM.
::dry heave::
I second this. Not that that many people read my blog, but no one has ever asked me a question. Why would anyone care what I eat for breakfast, for example.
I’m convinced it’s all a sham!
No mayo ever.
The meme was fun. People took it way to seriously, projecting their own insecurities on it when all we were doing was taking the piss and having a laugh (like British people do!). A few of them even tweeted that they liked it. I guess they changed their minds, but sheep are known to do that. I can’t imagine taking myself that seriously.
Next time I will post a picture of myself with red glasses and a curly wig so people know I am joking:
I am going to create a macro gallery soon – this was just too funny!
Yes! Or post a huge headline saying: THIS IS A JOKE!
Your twitter goes against my morals and gives me the sadz, so Imma have to unfollow you. I am going to rip off your/Sarah’s NAQ idea though.
HUGS!
MY HUGZ ARE SWEATY
Hey! Can you not follow me but accept my follow request on twitter? I’m @charlottecastl and I need the snark.
Thanks!
A few things:
1. I could watch the Ron Swanson tiny hat dancing clip forever. You hear that? FOREVER.
2. This statement: “We don’t know that Bateman killed anyone.” I love you for that.
3. Phil Collins would murder Peter Gabriel with his bare hands. That’s just science. PC4Life.
4. You should probably do the macro contest 1/month. At least.
kthatsallbai.
I agree about Ron Swanson. Parks and Rec 4EVER! <3 <3
Phil Collins sucks a nut.
I still can’t believe I missed the image macro meme fun. I agree – Please do another one, please? Preferably on a day when I haz internets??
I’m going to make a permanent page for this. SO KEEP SUBMITTING!
I don’t watch Parks and Rec, much to the chagrin of my Parks and Rec-pushing sister, but that video of Ron dancing with the tiny hat always makes me shiz my pants.
PS slap some ads on your sidebar because I reckon you could pull in a tidy amount. I tend to re-visit any given post on your blog because the comments are HIGHlarious, and I imagine I’m not the only one.
YOUR SISTER IS CORRECT WATCH IT NOW.
I’d have to move off wordpress and bastards have already brought angryrunner.com and runangry.com
YES I am a Parks&Rec pusher Anna and I refuse to stop.
“I’m afraid what you may have heard was ‘give me a lot of bacon and eggs,’ but what I said was, ‘give me ALL the bacon and eggs you have.’”
Do I need to make an acceptance speech? Can I show this to my advisor to prove that I’ve actually been writing something?
I can sign off on anything your advisor needs to see, just FYI.
Yasshole 800′s are a good workout (although the 1:1 recovery ratio is a bit on the longer side for marathoners), but anyone who thinks the workout is a reliable prediction tool only needs to look at the fact that Haile Gebrselasshole has run a marathon in 2:03:29, but has run over 12 x 800m with no rest in an average of 2:06. In his prime he could probably run 10 x 800 in under 2:00 with 2:00 rest, and he’s not alone. When I was at my fastest — and I was never much good at track reps compared to my longer road-race times — I could run 10 x 800 with equal rest in under 2:20 if I was really hammering, but wasn’t close to 2:20 in the marathon (although to the average Yasshole acolyte, 2:24 and 2:20 probably seem more or less identical even though there’s a considerable gulf between them).
I too like the NAQ concept and will myself be blogging about this apace.
Yes. Agreed.
Personally, I don’t really see the value in doing 800 repeats if you’re training for anything over 10k. It just seems to make more sense to stick with 200-400 for efficiency and 1ks for intervals. Maybe a stupid point, and maybe that’s years of race walking (where you think in kilos) talking but I just don’t get why you’d do 800s when 1000s make so much more sense. (If anyone wants to argue otherwise, I’m all ears.)
As far as the predictive value of 800s…how do they even correlate? Though ironically enough, if I were attempting 800s I’d probably aim at 3:15-3:20, right in my marathon range. (And now my head is spinning trying to think what I should be running while in piss poor shape.)
The thing is, the slower someone runs, the less of a difference even a ten-minute swing makes, both in percentile and absolute terms. So if someone goes out and nails 10 x 800m in 4:30 and runs anywhere between a 4:20 and a 4:40 marathon, sans specific expectations, this in some vague sense validates the Yasshole predictor.
I’m more of a fan of 1,000s than 800s as well, but either has its place in marathon training if they’re slanted toward short rest and slower paces. someone training for a 38:00 10K might do 10 x 800m in 3:00 with 2:30 rest, but someone training for a roughly equal performance in a marathon — three hours — would be better served by doing 10 x 800m in 3:20 with 1:30 jogs.
Ah, that makes sense.
NAQs is brilliant!
1.) My boyfriend is obsessed with Parks & Rec (and Community) – so I fully appreciate the Ron reference.
2.) Your blunt/cynical personality is hilarious, and I get that it’s not negative.
3.) I cannot stand Glee and it frightens me how obsessed people are with it.
Asstwat?! That is the best word EVER. See, your blog is educational too!
Can’t wait till work tomorrow so I can call someone an asstwat.
That one’s new to me and would seem to be the distaff counterpart to the male ‘taint. And with an asstwat, you’re really only talking about, at most, a two-inch stretch of anatomical DMZ, so in terms of using this term as a pejorative you can choose your targets with exquisite precision.
I made it up because ass and twat sound cool together!
Christ. Thanks for introducing me to that meme sight. There goes any hope of me doing anything productive for the next few weeks.
Also NAQs are my new favorite thing.
I want to have Ron Swanson’s babies! Love, love, love him! His admiration for breakfast foods and meat products is swoon worthy!
I watched a random episode of Gilmore Girls this past weekend (don’t hate!) and Nick Offerman was in it! He played Jackson’s brother Beau Belleville and was awesomely fantastic in a pervy sort of way.
Can’t wait for Parks & Recreation to come back so I can get my weekly dose of Swansonisims!
I absolutely HATE mayonnaise with the fire of ten thousands suns. I will not eat it or anything made with it under any circumstances.
That’s all. <3
You may contact my lawyer, Jane Seesndessist, to discuss pending IP litigation.
You are hilarious! I don’t think that you’re negative, I think you’re just honest. This NAQ thing seems like a good idea.. I might have to steal it too!
Hahhhh I love this! My fav question – Why aren’t you a vegetarian?!!?